When Do You Call Yourself a Writer by Gordon Hooper, author of 'Alex and Katija'



Alex and Katija are quite the pair. Selfish, cruel, greedy, sleazy and violent—why, the negative adjectives could easily fill a small volume of their own. Over the top, always offensive and never politically correct—their sole redeeming quality is, they are not child molesters.
Alex is heir and owner of the Holstein Private Investigation Agency, located in Stockholm, Sweden. While he is the agency’s brains, Katija provides the brawn, as resident henchwoman. Their setup is sweet, with a never-ending supply of clients appearing at their doorstep and asking for help, only to be swindled out of their money, robbed, or beaten, and then sent on their way. Except some who, wrapped in chains, are dumped into the murky waters of nearby Nybro Viken.
Alex and Katija fight the natural as well as the supernatural—the only thing they really dread is the horrors of gainful employment. This threat is ever present as their finances are chronically atrocious, usually due to the black vacuum of the weekend, with all its powders and pills.
Their cases take them across the globe—so beware! There is NOWHERE to hide.


When do you call yourself a writer?

I was at a party when the topic of writing came up. We discussed at what stage you can call yourself a writer. Several plateaus were mentioned and fiercely championed by diverse drunkards. Let’s begin at the bottom:

The pretentious artist
You know, the kind of person who has never sold a copy or been published, and has been writing on and off for the last five years but never/seldom completed anything. Has the audacity to refer to himself an author/writer. Like a waiter, who “really” is an actor. 
The real reason to why they are not published is that no one “understands” their work, even though their mothers and friends attest to their genus. 

There was a woman at the party that did claim that you are, and can call
yourself a writer, if you do write, aspire to become a writer, and identify yourself
as a writer.
Great attitude. This means that I’m not really unemployed, but a writer/astronaut/porn star/millionaire.

The two-bit success
Someone who not only has completed a work, but got it published. This book/poem/article did not sell well and/or get great reviews/fame. But still got the official stamp of approval from an editor and got printed.

The one hit wonder
Someone who has published a work that actually did sell and/or got good reviews/fame. Can this person call him/herself an author for life, even though they have not written a single word in the last 20 years while they worked at a supermarket?
Or do they have to keep writing and trying to get back into the game?
I used to work as a factory worker 15 years ago. Sadly, I did not win any awards, but if I’d been employee of the month/year would I have been able to call myself a factory worker for life? 

The struggling scribbler
Someone who publishes regularly and makes some money out of it. Sadly not enough to write full time, but still has to rely on a second, “real” job to make ends meet. 

The arrived
Can write fulltime, and has great reviews/sales/fame.
Has no problem in getting advances, and can so write on
credit if need be. Even has an agent, and perhaps a publisher. But might still
be a bit of a sell-out, who has to think about trends/sales/attitudes of
publishers/readers etc. – and still has to make bitter compromises often/sometimes.

The superstar 
Independently wealthy. A household name that has the fame/cash to write whatever they desire. Does not have to sell out/take orders/think of trends/worry about offending readers etc.
Free and happy.  
You know, they who become so famous/stinking rich, they don’t have to pay for sex ever again, even though they have lots of money. Unfair, isn’t it?

Ta-ta and toodle-oo  /Gordon



Gordon Hooper is the author of “Alex and Katija, High and Mighty.” It was published on Amazon.com, November 6 2012, courtesy of Seattle publisher New Libri Press.
One could tell his life’s story with a poem:
Born by gypsies
Raised by wolves
Schooled by fools
Employed by cretins
Scooped up by Libri
Highly inaccurate and somewhat irrelevant prose, yes yes I know – what are you, my mother?
But when has truth, that dull ignoramus, ever been able to measure up to a well-crafted lie?
Most of his work is created solely to make people laugh, or at the very least smile. He tries to be offensive as often as humanly possible.
When not – then he is most likely being semi-blackmailed by his publisher, who has a hell of a job in keeping us all out of jail and preventing the premises of New Libri Press from being torched.
Contrary to his wishes he currently resides in the depressing little freeze box of Stockholm, Sweden.
He was born on the wrong side of the Iron Curtain in 1977, but was imported to the frigid shores of Sweden at the tender age of two.
He is currently working on the sequel “Alex and Katija, The terrible Two.”
For more warping of morals, bending of truths and breaking of laws – enter the electronic vortex via the portal below.
Alex and Katja is his first published book. You can visit Gordon Hooper’s website atwww.gordon-hooper.com.

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