Hook Us With Your First Page # 2

Here we go with First Page Entry #2!

This first page comes from urban fantasy writer, Jen Nipps, and comes from her WIP titled "Shadows of Stonehenge."

So, what do you think? Does it hook YOU? Let Jen know by commenting in the comment box below.

Chapter One

Shrouded in mystery and mysticism, there is yet another side to the mythical Stonehenge. A shadow side. A side most people know is there but refuse to acknowledge.

This night, a night with no moon, a figure approached the great monolith at the head of the circle of stones. It seemed to walk through the stone but did not emerge on the other side.

"I need to see Trevor,” a voice rasped, seeming to come from under the stone.

A window panel slid open, revealing modern electric lights before being blocked by the person on the other side. “Password?”

The figure swore. “No time! I need to see Trevor.”

The visage on the other side of the panel never wavered.

“Fine. Gaisgeach,” he spat.

7 comments:

  1. Good Job. I've read this and a little more of it before and it is quite good.

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  2. Nice job! I would definitely turn the page to find out what's under the stone. I've always been fascinated by Stonehenge, so this is a good hook for me.

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  3. Really nice job, Jen. I was thinking...instead of seemed...how about..it was as if instead. I read somewhere where you should stay away from "seem" for some odd reason. Anyway, yeah, it definitely hooked me.

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  4. Taking into consideration that this particular genre is not what I prefer to read, what you have in these few paragraphs was enticing enough that I wanted to learn more.

    So, I guess that would mean then that you "hooked" me, wouldn't it?

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  5. Yes, I'd like to turn the page or read further...so this works for me :)

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  6. Hi, guys!

    I really appreciate your input so far. Thanks for taking the time out to read it. :)

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  7. Anonymous6:46 PM

    Not what I was expecting, for sure! Not completely hooked, yet, but I would like to see a bit more.

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